he said...

When I told him I have found what I was allways looking for. He said there's more in life than that. And I laughed. And told him there is nothing else in life than that. And I ment it. Because you must have that and something more and then THAT becomes all there is in life. And "that" I had. And didn't need "something more".

Nights like this I feel the "something more". So close and so far in the same time. Yes, there is more in life than "that". And you never feel like letting go to the life you've allways hated, the one you allways knew it's not for you, you never feel like letting go when you feel so deep that there is more in life than "that" but not for you.

And in the morning I hope I will feel the strenght to let go of the illusions and go back to my empty and yet so full, so real, so sad, so void of hope and feelings and illusions, so hated and so very deep inside of me, so complicated and yet so simple life. After all, I have been doing this every morning ever since.

And yet, for a while, before I will forget this night over all, I will miss the illusions and the hopes and the feelings and all the lies I used to tell myself, and all the lies everybody tell themselves all the time. Angel, my only one, my lonely one, my beautifull, wonderfull one ... don't ever let me do something like this night again. And make me forget untill the sun will shine in the morning light. And may the sun never rise again for this night is the only time I endulge myself to dream again.

morning ...