My dear god

My dear god, I miss you still. God of the merchants and travelers and thieves. And literature and wit and oratory and whatnot... I miss you still. It's funny how you can just search online and find anyone, like I did tonight. Just looking at your picture on a stupid website for kids... brought back memories... of love and pain and you... the only "god" I ever loved. I wish so much I could have kept on loving. But I just miss you, that is all I am allowed. Shouting out my cowardice... for I have found you but said nothing. I wonder... if you will ever search for me. Or maybe you're just fine without, and never think of me, or miss me still... And that would be unbearable to know for sure. So here I am. If ever... you'll be looking for me, here I am... still thinking about you. Out of all, it's you... It's always you, my dear god, I'm missing still.